t- 20

the planning is done. my gear has been assembled and tested. in just under a month i’ll be dropped off far from home and i’ll be taking my first steps toward katahdin.

though this hike has been on my bucket list for longer than i can recall, i’m still filled with doubts and what if’s:

• what if i break my leg/ankle/foot? could i keep going or would i have to quit?
• what if my old dog dies while i’m gone? do i come home, or have a good cry in the woods before carrying on?
• what if i kick the bucket before i get there?
• what if i spent so many hours working at a desk that my body can no longer do it?
• what if i hate it?

what if’s are important for planning for uncertainty. even if i don’t have an answer to a question at least i’ve considered them in a place less emotionally charged than the moment they’re happening.

more insidious are the thoughts of what i imagine my hike to look like:

its sunny and warm. nothing hurts. if it rains at all, it’s for an hour and i either don’t get any gear wet, or i’m presented with a beautiful sunny spot to dry out when it’s over. i definitely never have to set up a wet tent, and my sleeping bag is always warm and dry. these are dangerous fantasies. they don’t help me plan anything. they’re idealistic to a fault.

the hike will be challenging. there will be times when i’m miserable. i will hurt. i will be cold, hot, wet, itchy, blistered, bruised, cut, bored, and tired (for starters) but if it’s not going to be difficult, then what’s the point? one of my old bosses dreamt of one day being able to ride a segway to the top of any mountain. hard pass.

i choose to do this hike because i want to challenge myself both physically and emotionally. specifically i want to regain a perspective i lost somewhere during my career about what matters. i want to remind myself what i’m capable of. for 20 years it’s been poking at a computer terminal behind a desk, and while i know i’m more than that, it doesn’t feel like it.

We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard; because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one we intend to win, and the others, too. — john f. kennedy

amen, brother.

does it bother anyone else how JFK pronounced ‘decade’? also, what other things?